Looks like any traditionally published book.
Immediately after I published two books on Amazon, the pandemic hysteria began and the world was locked down. Two weeks ago, I had to go and pick up the book from the courier agency. The book is surprisingly light. The book quality is great except for the binding. It has glue binding and you may break the spine if you are not careful. Amazon does not do hardbacks with thread binding. My worries about my FOSS-powered book-publishing process are over. I should have used a smaller font. Other than that, the book looks like any traditionally published book. The cover looks great, unlike in this GIF animation, whose limited color palette makes it look awful.
The not-so leaning tower of Pisa.
Improve your world outlook with this 167-page 470-joke subset (Rs. 50 or $2 for Kindle eBook and $8 for paperback) of the great book. It has plenty of children’s jokes, computer jokes, computer programming jokes, cross-the-road jokes, animal jokes, physics jokes, biology jokes, geography jokes, medical jokes, pun jokes, bar jokes, blonde jokes, knock-knock jokes, financial jokes, jokes in advertising, jokes on journalism, romantic jokes, Rajinikanth Facts (like Chuck Norris facts), Confucius-say jokes, ethnic jokes, lightbulb jokes and political jokes.
Read a sample of the jokes in the newly published excerpts from the book.
All jokes in the book are child-friendly and family friendly. No ( ͡⚆ ʖ ͡⚆ ), 彡 or (‿ˠ‿) humour.
Photo courtesy: Lizzie
A 171-page 470-joke subset of the 2020 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone is now available for order on Amazon.com
I reduced the paperback price by $2 today because I need to order a copy.
The book is available as
The eBook is a full-color print-replica. The paperback is black-and-white or rather grayscale printing. There is only one joke section (“Journalism Jokes”) that requires color printing. To print the entire book in color print because of just one color chapter increases the cost sky-high. There is only one picture in that section that requires color so I have made it available for free in the jokes listed in the newly published excerpts.
Today, I noted that the physics, chemistry and biology joke sections did not have enough jokes and increased them to two pages minimum. The total number of jokes in the book is now above 470. Some unusual mistakes were also found and corrected.
300 jokes out of a total of 2600 read and commented.
I wrote and illustrated the book. I had also designed its cover. The book was already formatted to look like a real one from day one. Now, someone at a literary agency or book publisher needs to look at the book and take a decision.
I took 300 jokes out of the 2600 and printed it. (Unfortunately, no edge-to-edge printing for the cover.) I bound it and made it look like a real book. In true DIY/maker or programmer style, I created a demo video of the product (even though this is a book). It took me forever to complete the book-read and edit it. The recording did not have many words that I spoke so I removed the audio. In place of the audio, I have added subtitles for the entire length.
The jokes start at 20 minutes.
- Part 1 – Children’s Jokes, computer jokes, cross-the-road jokes, animal jokes, physics jokes, chemistry jokes, biology jokes…
- Part 2 – Bar jokes, blonde jokes, financial jokes…
- Part 3 – Confucius-say jokes, ethnic jokes, political jokes…
Currently, I am illustrating the book.
I changed Annexure 3 to ‘About the author’. The ‘hot’ political jokes have been eliminated. The political correctness problem has had one good effect. I have now divided the book into three parts – For Kids, For Adults and For Intellectuals. The last part has the political content. Total number of such jokes should be less than 20.
I added an Annexure 4 containing acknowledgements. For the blonde jokes, I had planned to use Linda Evangelista. My B/W image is not really a cartoon but a photograph outline. I changed her hair to white make her look as a blonde for the blonde jokes section. Some people say that such outlines are not original works. I can dispute that but do not want the hassle. Now, Donald Trump has taken the place of the blonde. For the Latin jokes section, I took the outline of Crisaide Mendes but her face is empty. So, no copyright problem there. Her feet came from a photo of another person. Her hands had to be constructed out of my imagination.
The “mint-fresh” part was problematic. What if someone claims it is not all mint-fresh? Some of the stuff that I have written is so profound and over the top in quality that I have doubts that I came up with it. I am great but not that great. Or, am I? What if I read them somewhere and then thought that I came up with it? A man’s imagination and memory can play tricks. I did not want to take changes. I changed it to “Fresh Clean”. A few jokes are what I had heard in the 80s. They have been “re-freshed” now. They are fresh now, but not mint-fresh. They are like fresh from the fridge.
Only 200 more jokes to reach target
I decided not to have the Indian edition. All problematic jokes have been moved to Annexure 3, which will not be published. Annexure 1 contains my vintage radio shows article so that readers will be able to relate to the blonde writer jokes. Blonde writer is based on Archie of Duffy’s Tavern radio show. Annexure 2 has a few of the popular Annaiyum-Urumbum jokes, which are the basis for my Elephant-and-Ant Jokes.
I wrote lots of new Off-The-Wall Philosopher jokes. It contains a lot of thought-provoking ideas couched in humour. I also created a new section called ‘Confucius say jokes’, based on Zookie of Mel Blanc Show. Mel Blanc Show is featured in Annexure 1. Most ‘Confucius say jokes’ on the Net are dirty jokes. I did not take that route.
Political jokes section has jokes use politically correct names for non-political things.
There is no space for political jokes because everyone is offended easily.
I wrote a lot of political jokes yesterday and today, and reached the target of 2020 jokes. Unfortunately, this is not enough. Given the level of censorship and the need to control the narrative in the West, I do not think the jokes I have written will be welcome there. Even journalists lack a sense of humour and get offended easily. They mistake rhetorical claims and sarcastic observations as serious assertions. This book will not survive there.
A comedian cannot be too political. Politics tends to be divisive. But, politicians provide the best material. Art Buchwald said he endorsed Reagan because he knew Regan would provide the best material for his column. What a dilemma!
Another problem with some of the jokes is their longevity. In a few years, people will not have the context for these jokes and the jokes will not be funny anymore. For example, in this CNN joke, unless you are familiar with the film Avatar and Social Media, it is not funny. However, I can tell this physics joke to a student in China and it will still be funny.
A neutron and a neutrino walk into a bar
A neutron and a neutrino walk into a bar and order drinks. To the neutron, the bartender says, “For you, no charge!”. To the neutrino, the bartender, “That will be two bucks.” The neutrino is upset by this and says, “Hey, I am also neutral.” For that, the bartender says, “Yeah, but he carries more weight.”
I read some out-of-copyright jokebooks published many decades ago. They are not funny now. Were they funny in their time? A clever joke here, a turn of phrase there, but the bulk of these books had nothing great or substantial. I would like my book to be dense with jokes of high quality that can transcend generations.
I need to write at least 400 more extra jokes to account for this loss and for the possible existence of already published jokes. When it is done, the Indian edition will have all the jokes. Foreign editions will not have most of these chapters – ‘Political Jokes’ and ‘News & Journalism Jokes’ and some other snowflake-unfriendly jokes.
Phobia and mania jokes shoot towards 300
I can’t remember how or why I started writing this book but it has been one of the most useful decisions I made in my life. In the last week, I discovered that I can write poems! In all my life, I’ve written one or two immature little poems in Tamizh (lost 20 years ago) and only one in English (remains classified) but the three new poems that I have written are top notch. They are super funny and they rhyme. It took only a few minutes.
Here are two of the poems. The terrorist who bites the grenade has been done before but not this way. I am very proud of it.