Category: Humour

Masculinity and femininity

Added to 2020 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone under ‘political jokes’.

When you say ‘feminine charm’, are you implying that men do not have charm? When you say ‘feminine beauty’, are you claiming that men cannot be beautiful? Men are handsome and women are beautiful? Let us not bluff. I am sure you get my drift.

In recent years, PC propagandists have been pushing the term ‘toxic masculinity’ to describe abrasive behaviour that men exhibit towards women. Offended men are saying that masculinity means being there to open jars or teaching kids to use swear words. Both sides are wrong. Here are the correct definitions:

  • Masculinity: personal qualities of a man.
  • Femininity: personal qualities of a woman.
  • Masculine: the nature of a quality found in a man; belonging to a man.
  • Feminine: the nature of a quality found in a woman; belonging to a woman.

Any quality found in a woman is a feminine quality. The sum of all feminine qualities in a woman is her femininity. Not necessarily unique or traditional qualities. The strength in a woman is her feminine strength. Just because it is called feminine strength, it does not mean strength is unique to women. The feminine proclivity to like teary-eyed soaps is a uniquely feminine quality. Men would not like to be caught dead with tears in their eyes. These are uniquely feminine and masculine characteristics.

Being a father is not masculinity. Some men abandon their families. They continue to be masculine but not fathers or husbands. Women work in the military as soldiers and also die fighting in wars. They may have adopted a traditionally masculine role but the roles were not masculine or feminine. Nursing used to be an exclusively feminine domain. (I could have said female domain.) After years of struggle against discrimination, some wimps have broken through the glass ceiling of matriarchy.

How can established lexicographers get it so wrong? You need to have a criminal brain like mine. This is one of many reasons why you should buy my Dictionary of Indian English (DIE) when it is released. Because of PC invading every aspect of life, the lexicon and even grammar will become unrecognizable and understandable in the next few years. That is when my dictionary will become really valuable. It will be unique and traditional. All these other dictionaries will have to adapt to new PC culture and become totally useless.

The old DIE was not very good. Frankly, I am embarrassed by what I had written so many years ago. The new one will be buntastic.

Best of Booktube

I have been doing some research on publishing books and I found a subset of YouTube called BookTube. Here are some good videos that I found.

Snow White Reader

Booktube is populated by young college girls who read nothing but “Young Adult” novels. Hoping to turn girls into feminists, American school boards seem to have used female authors Jane Austen and Bronte sisters in the school curriculum. Many continue to read similar books. Many others move to “YA”. Almost nobody reads non-fiction. And, absolutely no humour because no humour books are being published. This girl is different.

Piera Forde

She is also film maker and actress.

Little Book Owl

This girl’s anecdote about one female author is really hilarious.

Nour Zikra

Read with Cindy

Kids say the darnedest things. Uses bad language but is frank and funny.

Xtine May

(That’s not her name.) She is funny but she is funniest when she sings.

Books and Things

I experience most of the same problems that this girl describes and I do not work in publishing.

Don’t confuse Capitalism with Fascism

High levels of student debt and political correctness propaganda in the US is driving the younger generations to Socialism.

During the recent presidential election debates in the US, several Democratic Party candidates were asked how they were going to finance their grandiose plans. I did not watch the debates but I did not think if anyone suggested scaling back the budgets of the Department of Defense or the Department of Homeland Security. The latter is as big as the former. Why not?

Much more recently, there was a hilarious video of Democratic Socialists convention where attendees competed with each other in a game of one-upmanship as to who was most politically correct. It is hilarious but hides an important truth. More and more Americans are becoming stupid. As much as I hate Fascism that American government represents, I would hate to see lose its citizen lose faith in democracy and capitalism. The problem is many of these kids are burdened by student debt and many of the candidates are pandering to them with neo-Socialist promises.

The problem that these kids and all Americans face is not the ills of capitalism but of Fascism. In this post, I will throw some light on it.

The first non-fiction book I read was How the Soviets steal U.S. high technology. It was the 80s and this book was saying Americans helped the Soviets steal. One arm of the government tries to prevent it while the other helps it. That sort of stuff. (I think the Soviets were very interested in early Intel x86 chips. If only you knew how slow and buggy those things were! Real James Bond stuff. It seems ridiculous now.) Apparently, this has been going on for several decades, even back to the time of Hitler. Read Antony Sutton et al. Before Hitler became a bad boy, Fascism was touted as the solution to all problems. Just as Plato suggested that society should be ruled by philosophers, Fascists wanted a clique of wealthiest individuals to be in control. Even when Hitler caused widespread alarm, Fascists continued to support him.

In China, the Americans threatened and cut military aid to force the nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek to stop fighting and start negotiating with Mao Tse-tung. The “fight fight, talk talk” strategy of the Communists allowed them to regroup and take over China. Today, an ancient civilization of more than one billion people remains dispossessed of its rich history, religion, and traditions. In Cambodia, the Americans allied with their new friend China and armed the Communists led by Pol Pot. The subsequent genocide took the lives of one to two million people. Cambodia was saved by Vietnam, a Communist state opposed to the US and China, when it invaded the country and drove away Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge. For many years after their ouster, US and UK continued to recognise Khmer Rouge as the official Cambodian government. The US had previously been defeated in Korea and Vietnam. This was just another defeat. Who cares? US loves war.

Fascists make more money fighting than winning. Vietnam war lasted only two decades. (A peaceful, easy life hasn’t made us happy. Perhaps it’s time to give war a chance — The Times) Good times. In Afghanistan, a country known as the graveyard of empires, the US government gave hundreds of millions as aid to Islamist fighters. The last recipient bombed two US embassies. A few years ago, one of the terror groups that received weapons from American military allies murdered the US ambassador in Libya. These terrorist groups took over the arsenal of the fallen Libyan regime and moved to hotspots like Syria. After failing to dethrone that Syria’s secular regime, many of these defeated terrorists secured asylum in Western countries. More are waiting to come.

CNN calls this $1-billion terrorism aid as “a small CIA program“.

When an Indian student wants to study abroad, he has to prove that he will eventually go back to India. A terrorist apparently has no such problem. Western governments will fast-track his papers, ensure his privacy and arrange a stipend. (UK agrees to take in some White Helmets evacuated from Syria by Israel: Jordan says it has struck deal for rescuers and families to be resettled in UK, Canada and Germany – Guardian). Western governments say they are only supporting ‘moderate’ terrorists rebels. (Trump Ends Covert Aid to Syrian Rebels Trying to Topple Assad — New York Times) I am not sure what debates these terrorists are moderating. Islamist terrorist groups like ISIS got their weapons and funds routed through military allies of predominantly Christian countries. And, when the chicken come home to roost, the Fascists blame Islam! All of these terrorists hotspots were more or less peaceful before the West intervened. Muslim countries do not need you so leave them alone. The US an the UK are the biggest sponsors of terrorism and they are the greatest threat to world peace.

US officials are involved in illegal WMD programs. There are also allegations of environmental pollution and murder coverups at more than 25 biological weapons laboratories outside the US.

In countries that they have not totally ruined, Fascists sabotage the democratic process and buy the legislators. Private businesses write laws so they can suck the life blood out of citizens. These Fascist laws and the institutions created or co-opted by these Fascist laws are the source of most problems. If healthcare, education, housing and transportation seem expensive, it is because of Fascists. If the US military withdrew from East Asia or closed down a few hundred of its foreign bases, then all Americans could get free high-quality education and healthcare.

If the State provides such services for free or with a subsidy, then that is not Socialism. People with no money or help cannot be thrown to the mercy of the market or the kindness of strangers. The State needs to provide those services. What good is the state if it cannot be the last safety net? Those who call this Socialism are not capitalists. They are Fascists. Privatising everything is Fascism. It becomes Socialism when the State makes itself the only option. If Communism is torture, then Socialism is the slow Chinese kind.

There are many articles in the press about giving war a chance.

#2020JokeBook: 2020 + 400 jokes complete, name changed, front cover ready

Currently, I am illustrating the book.

I changed Annexure 3 to ‘About the author’. The ‘hot’ political jokes have been eliminated. The political correctness problem has had one good effect. I have now divided the book into three parts – For Kids, For Adults and For Intellectuals. The last part has the political content. Total number of such jokes should be less than 20.

I added an Annexure 4 containing acknowledgements. For the blonde jokes, I had planned to use Linda Evangelista. My B/W image is not really a cartoon but a photograph outline. I changed her hair to white make her look as a blonde for the blonde jokes section. Some people say that such outlines are not original works. I can dispute that but do not want the hassle. Now, Donald Trump has taken the place of the blonde. For the Latin jokes section, I took the outline of Crisaide Mendes but her face is empty. So, no copyright problem there. Her feet came from a photo of another person. Her hands had to be constructed out of my imagination.

Name Changed

The “mint-fresh” part was problematic. What if someone claims it is not all mint-fresh? Some of the stuff that I have written is so profound and over the top in quality that I have doubts that I came up with it. I am great but not that great. Or, am I? What if I read them somewhere and then thought that I came up with it? A man’s imagination and memory can play tricks. I did not want to take changes. I changed it to “Fresh Clean”. A few jokes are what I had heard in the 80s. They have been “re-freshed” now. They are fresh now, but not mint-fresh. They are like fresh from the fridge.

New Cover

#2020 #Jokebook – Confucius say #jokes added – 2220 jokes complete

Only 200 more jokes to reach target

I decided not to have the Indian edition. All problematic jokes have been moved to Annexure 3, which will not be published. Annexure 1 contains my vintage radio shows article so that readers will be able to relate to the blonde writer jokes. Blonde writer is based on Archie of Duffy’s Tavern radio show. Annexure 2 has a few of the popular Annaiyum-Urumbum jokes, which are the basis for my Elephant-and-Ant Jokes.

I wrote lots of new Off-The-Wall Philosopher jokes. It contains a lot of thought-provoking ideas couched in humour. I also created a new section called ‘Confucius say jokes’, based on Zookie of Mel Blanc Show. Mel Blanc Show is featured in Annexure 1. Most ‘Confucius say jokes’ on the Net are dirty jokes. I did not take that route.

I don’t know if I came up with this or I read it somewhere . I included it even though there is no humour in it other than the fact that it rhymes.

Political jokes section has jokes use politically correct names for non-political things.

2020 #JokeBook: 2020 #Jokes complete – More needs to be written

There is no space for political jokes because everyone is offended easily.

CNN report - #BlueForSudan hashtag offends Na'vi
I wrote a lot of political jokes yesterday and today, and reached the target of 2020 jokes. Unfortunately, this is not enough. Given the level of censorship and the need to control the narrative in the West, I do not think the jokes I have written will be welcome there. Even journalists lack a sense of humour and get offended easily. They mistake rhetorical claims and sarcastic observations as serious assertions. This book will not survive there.

A comedian cannot be too political. Politics tends to be divisive. But, politicians provide the best material. Art Buchwald said he endorsed Reagan because he knew Regan would provide the best material for his column. What a dilemma!

Another problem with some of the jokes is their longevity. In a few years, people will not have the context for these jokes and the jokes will not be funny anymore. For example, in this CNN joke, unless you are familiar with the film Avatar and Social Media, it is not funny. However, I can tell this physics joke to a student in China and it will still be funny.

A neutron and a neutrino walk into a bar
A neutron and a neutrino walk into a bar and order drinks. To the neutron, the bartender says, “For you, no charge!”. To the neutrino, the bartender, “That will be two bucks.” The neutrino is upset by this and says, “Hey, I am also neutral.” For that, the bartender says, “Yeah, but he carries more weight.”

I read some out-of-copyright jokebooks published many decades ago. They are not funny now. Were they funny in their time? A clever joke here, a turn of phrase there, but the bulk of these books had nothing great or substantial. I would like my book to be dense with jokes of high quality that can transcend generations.

I need to write at least 400 more extra jokes to account for this loss and for the possible existence of already published jokes. When it is done, the Indian edition will have all the jokes. Foreign editions will not have most of these chapters – ‘Political Jokes’ and ‘News & Journalism Jokes’ and some other snowflake-unfriendly jokes.

2020 JokeBook: I can write poems for no rhyme or reason – 1920 jokes completed

Phobia and mania jokes shoot towards 300

I can’t remember how or why I started writing this book but it has been one of the most useful decisions I made in my life. In the last week, I discovered that I can write poems! In all my life, I’ve written one or two immature little poems in Tamizh (lost 20 years ago) and only one in English (remains classified) but the three new poems that I have written are top notch. They are super funny and they rhyme. It took only a few minutes.

Here are two of the poems. The terrorist who bites the grenade has been done before but not this way. I am very proud of it.