Italy offers 2020 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone

The not-so leaning tower of Pisa.
Not-so leaning tower of Pisa, Italy

Not-so leaning tower of Pisa, Italy

Improve your world outlook with this 167-page 470-joke subset (Rs. 100 or $2/3 for Kindle eBook and $8 for paperback) of the great book. It has plenty of children’s jokes, computer jokes, computer programming jokes, cross-the-road jokes, animal jokes, physics jokes, biology jokes, geography jokes, medical jokes, pun jokes, bar jokes, blonde jokes, knock-knock jokes, financial jokes, jokes in advertising, jokes on journalism, romantic jokes, Rajinikanth Facts (like Chuck Norris facts), Confucius-say jokes, ethnic jokes, lightbulb jokes and political jokes.

Read a sample of the jokes in the newly published excerpts from the book.

All jokes in the book are child-friendly and family friendly. No ( ͡⚆ ʖ ͡⚆ ), 彡 or (‿ˠ‿) humour.


Photo courtesy: Lizzie

“400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone” by V. Subhash published as paperback and Kindle eBook download

A 171-page 470-joke subset of the 2020 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone is now available for order on Amazon.com

I reduced the paperback price by $2 today because I need to order a copy.

The book is available as

The eBook is a full-color print-replica. The paperback is black-and-white or rather grayscale printing. There is only one joke section (“Journalism Jokes”) that requires color printing. To print the entire book in color print because of just one color chapter increases the cost sky-high. There is only one picture in that section that requires color so I have made it available for free in the jokes listed in the newly published excerpts.

Today, I noted that the physics, chemistry and biology joke sections did not have enough jokes and increased them to two pages minimum. The total number of jokes in the book is now above 470. Some unusual mistakes were also found and corrected.

How to search for 400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone on Amazon

Stop quarantining “CORONAVIRUS” patients in enclosed places like hospitals, hotels, and ships! Use isolated open spaces to treat victims and limit spread of infection!

Developed countries are using medieval practices of quarantining. Concentrating the airborne virus in an enclosed space is a stupid procedure with a dangerous outcome.

Shiploads of people have been stranded on the sea and country after country are turning them away. What good is medical science if you have to be this callous?

When you quarantine people in enclosed places like hospitals, hotels and ships, you are only concentrating the number of viruses that are spread by the air. The virus gets settled in the ventilation system, from where they will continue to flourish and spread.

How to effectively quarantine and treat CORONAVIRUS patients

Instead, infected people should be taken to isolated flat grounds and placed under roof-only tents with limited paneling so that wind draft will harmlessly take away any virus sneezed or coughed into the air by patients. In cold places, room-heaters should be placed under patients beds so they do not feel the cold.

Without fresh supply of air, medical staff are putting themselves at risk of infection. This is how so many medical personnel have themselves become infected in China. Masks are useless in an atmosphere where the viral load is high.

If there is no medical personnel to treat the infected, then it is ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

How to quarantine and treat CORONAVIRUS patients

YouTube Annoyances Remover (GreaseMonkey JavaScript) 2020.01 update

Format labels are now included in the download links

Recently, I found that the thumbnails were not loading and the alternative download links were not getting listed. Both problems have been fixed in this update.

Youtube video download links and thumbnail fixed

About this User JS

Disables ads, turns off autoload/autoplay, adds RSS link, deletes “recommended for you” videos, unhides description, displays all comments, changes profile link to videos page; changes region to US, displays video thumbnail image, and adds a link to the lighter version on Hooktube if video is not playable for codec reasons. Supports Firefox-based browser up to Firefox 36. Newer versions should use a UserAgent (UA) spoofer add-on. YouTube loads a lighter version of the YouTube page for older browsers. This script will require the GreaseMonkey add-on to be executed by the Firefox browser. For embedded YouTube videos, use the script com.vsubhash.js.embedded-video-catcher.user.js.

The download links can then be sent to the DownThemAll add-on with the file renaming mask set to “*text*.mp4”.

EmailTweetor v2020.01.21 for Linux/Mac/Windows can list trolls (followers) and follow, unfollow, mute, unmute, block and unblock Twitter accounts

I will add a direct message option when the ones that I am following start following me.

I have written another book – a book of cartoons. I wanted the book to be privately reviewed by some American commentators and had to manually log into Twitter to follow them. ‘Following’ is the only way to send a direct message with the download link.

I also found that some accounts following my account. The only way to block an account is to visit that person’s timeline and then click on block option. I hate to look at these people. (I block everyone on Twitter and I do not follow anyone.)

So, I updated EmailTweetor with new options – trolls, follow, unfollow, block, unblock, mute, and unmute.

EmailTweetor.jar -jar trolls #list 1000 followers
EmailTweetor.jar -jar block HillaryClinton #blocks the mad cow
EmailTweetor.jar -jar unblock realJamesWoods #unblocks the jailed

http://www.vsubhash.com/subhash-email-tweetor-app-for-android.html

Bloomberg and New Yorker also protect their paywall with Javascript

Joins New York Times and BloombergQuint

Thanks to Modi’s slow Internet, I found yet another site taking forever to download. When the page finished downloading, the content of the article suddenly disappeared and paywall appeared. Now, Bloomberg is also confirmed to be using Javascript to protect its paywall.

A few months after I informed BloombergQuint, they implemented a real paywall with truncated content, instead of one protected by CSS. New York Times continues to be on Javascript security.

When you truncate content, search engines cannot find much value in the pages. These pages will not appear in the search results. CSS and Javascript paywalls continue to provide the content to search engines.

There is a simple alternative to all this. Like my website, use Javascript to lazy-load images, CSS, other Javascript files and content for sidebar, header and footer. Someone who disables Javascript will not see the images and miss out on formatting. Search engines will continue to index those pages.

Articles should be truncated and moved behind the paywall as they grow old. Their URLs should not be changed to retain whatever search engine mojo they have acquired. And, the meta tags for robots (in the HTML) should say “index,nofollow,nocache,noarchive”.

Update: I found that the New Yorker is also on Javascript security.

New York Times protects its paywall with JavaScript – BloombergQuint used CSS

Instead of promoting social media sites and writing click-baity articles using millennials, how about hiring some experienced journalists and programmers.

One of the advantages of having the Modi government’s slow Internet is that web pages take forever to download. I clicked on a link and this NYT page started downloading quite lethargically. For some time, I was able to read the article but when the Javascript gunk finished downloading the article suddenly got truncated and a floating panel asked me to register to read the article. So, I turned off Javascript and the article loaded in full. No registration necessary.

They say that the site is still free if you sign up but I was not going to investigate. With BloombergQuint, I had to write a GreaseMonkey script.

NYT paywall defeated by switching off Javascript

NYT paywall defeated by switching off Javascript


age

Kate Bush – What a woman! And, Luv!

80s music seems like inexhaustible energy resource

Kate Bush was very popular in the 80s as a pop star. She wrote the lyrics, composed the music and also produced the videos. Many of her songs are considered experimental in style and content. I saw her “Moving” video recently and instantly became a fan. She combines interpretive dance and mime to go with her music. This makes her videos look a bit like Bharatanatyam. She is a one-woman army of music! Apparently, she started writing the lyrics when she was very young, published many songs and albums, and became very famous with fan clubs all over UK and beyond. In her some of her older songs, she has a squeaky and almost comical voice. You get to ignore it after a while. I do not know if she did this deliberately. Her newer songs seem to have a more mature normal-sounding voice. My favorite Kate Bush songs are Moving, Babushka, and Sensual World. The meaning of the lyrics are a little difficult to understand, particularly in the absence of context. Because Kate was a jane of all trades, the music mixing is not as great as it could have been. When you play them in a music system, the sound stage seems subdued. Of course, I am nitpicking.

Luv was a three-girl pop group from The Netherlands. Many of their songs were available in English but they were popular mostly in Europe. Marga Scheide and José Hoebee were always part of the lineup but the third one was changed several times. Marga Scheide has a million-dollar smile and the team’s youthfulness seems to rub off positively on young and old. My favourite Luv songs are Trojan Horse, One more little kissie, My number one… all of them. Luv was a manufactured music team like the 90s Spice Girls. The promoters brought out of the best in the girls’ performance and combined it with the best that other professionals could provide. As a result, Luv’s songs can be blasted from a hi-fi system for good effect.

Masculinity and femininity

Added to 2020 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone under ‘political jokes’.

When you say ‘feminine charm’, are you implying that men do not have charm? When you say ‘feminine beauty’, are you claiming that men cannot be beautiful? Men are handsome and women are beautiful? Let us not bluff. I am sure you get my drift.

In recent years, PC propagandists have been pushing the term ‘toxic masculinity’ to describe abrasive behaviour that men exhibit towards women. Offended men are saying that masculinity means being there to open jars or teaching kids to use swear words. Both sides are wrong. Here are the correct definitions:

  • Masculinity: personal qualities of a man.
  • Femininity: personal qualities of a woman.
  • Masculine: the nature of a quality found in a man; belonging to a man.
  • Feminine: the nature of a quality found in a woman; belonging to a woman.

Any quality found in a woman is a feminine quality. The sum of all feminine qualities in a woman is her femininity. Not necessarily unique or traditional qualities. The strength in a woman is her feminine strength. Just because it is called feminine strength, it does not mean strength is unique to women. The feminine proclivity to like teary-eyed soaps is a uniquely feminine quality. Men would not like to be caught dead with tears in their eyes. These are uniquely feminine and masculine characteristics.

Being a father is not masculinity. Some men abandon their families. They continue to be masculine but not fathers or husbands. Women work in the military as soldiers and also die fighting in wars. They may have adopted a traditionally masculine role but the roles were not masculine or feminine. Nursing used to be an exclusively feminine domain. (I could have said female domain.) After years of struggle against discrimination, some wimps have broken through the glass ceiling of matriarchy.

How can established lexicographers get it so wrong? You need to have a criminal brain like mine. This is one of many reasons why you should buy my Dictionary of Indian English (DIE) when it is released. Because of PC invading every aspect of life, the lexicon and even grammar will become unrecognizable and understandable in the next few years. That is when my dictionary will become really valuable. It will be unique and traditional. All these other dictionaries will have to adapt to new PC culture and become totally useless.

The old DIE was not very good. Frankly, I am embarrassed by what I had written so many years ago. The new one will be buntastic.

Thank you, Carlos Maza, for preventing Google from ever again fooling millennials with false promises of making money off YouTube videos

Google skewed page views to artificially create some YouTube millionaires to attract young content creators and new audiences. Not anymore, thanks to CNN, Carlos Maza and pressure groups.

Google employees used to hit schools, colleges and universities to encourage millennials to join YouTube and post videos. They made presentations of how young people with nothing more than a phone camera could make money off videos – money based on page views. It seemed too good to be true. Youtube also created some artificial millionaires to buttress their claims.

Why do I say that YouTube created artificial millionaires? If today YouTube can surreptitiously choke traffic (shadow banning) to right-leaning channels, then after Google’s acquisition YouTube could certainly have been driving traffic to artificially “organically” grow some channels.

Besides that, YouTube does not make money, as neither do most Google services. Except for Adsense. It is a combination of creating accounting and tax evasion. Adsense is a corporate legal fiction created in multiple tax havens that the IRS and EU tax officials have refused to look closely. Every big US multinational corporation is doing the same thing. Adsense makes just enough money within the US to float Alphabet above water while secreting most of the profits away from the IRS. Adsense is more of an Irish or Dutch company than American.

YouTube Search becomes useless, as censorship decimates discoverability

After CNN campaigned against conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, advertisers asked YouTube to shadow ban channels that were too opinionated or off centre. Now, Youtube search is totally useless. Old search terms do not work. Notifications do not work. Useless videos from TV channels appear like spam in the results.

Vox Adpocalypse

Anyway, former Vox ‘journalist’ Carlos Maza waged a long crusade against a conservative YouTuber named Steven Crowder. (I put the word journalist in quotation marks because Mr. Maza says the job of a journalist is not supply the news but to censor it.)

Maza has published many openly partisan and anti-Trump videos. Crowder took him to task by giving many of his videos point-by-point rebuttals. Crowder is a comedian and he peppered his criticism with sarcastic jokes about Maza. Maza identifies himself as a ‘Marxist pig’ and has also called for violence against conservative politicians. He still took offense at Crowder’s swipes at him. Despite being a male, grownup and a ‘journalist’, he complained to Google that Crowder was bullying him. He complained to YouTube that the site was not a ‘safe space‘ for precocious man-boys like him.

YouTube reviewed Crowder’s content and found them legally safe and withing the terms of the site policy. After all, it is not Youtube’s job to protect someone from ridicule and criticism. Maza was not satisfied and went raving mad. Crowder’s channel was demonetized and censored from searches, ‘related videos’ and other places. Crowder was one of the first batch of ‘Youtube Partners’ and feels betrayed by Google.

Google-YouTube censorship deserves FTC action

Google claims it is a private company and can deal anyway it feels like with its content creators. This is not legally tenable. By making false promises and bait-switching, Google has indulged in anti-competitive and anti-consumer business practices. This invites action from Federal Trade Commission. If YouTube did not sign any agreement with its creators, it would have been legally safe but by making a contract Google has bound itself with normal business rules. It cannot indulge in censorship without proper explanation. Many class-action suits have already been filed against Youtube. One Youtuber went as far as shooting up the offices of the outfit.

Subscriptions are increasing but page views are decreasing, indicating suppression

Remember the time, when Google claimed that a programmer wrote Street Maps van code that inadverdantly collected wireless network IDs and passwords. Something similar will happen when it is discovered that Google algorithmic skewing suppressed page views to decrease payouts to content creators.

Eli, the computer guy, was another early Youtuber. He used to make lots of money from videos. He decided to become a full-time YouTuber and made investment in video and studio equipment. Now, despite having nearly one million subscribers, he gets only 1000 views on all new videos. He has also been deprived of the ability to livestream videos using some unwritten rule that his channel manager in Youtube refuses to disclose to him. Eli sometimes speaks about controversial topics. That must have upset somebody. So, some Youtube manager dedicated a few hours of his life to sit through Eli’s videos, found that livestreaming was crucial to Eli at that moment, and took away that privilege.

There are many such YouTubers. They have millions of subscribers but their channels are not recording as many views. How can this happen? With everyday, subscribers are increasing? Shouldn’t page views similarly? Who is stealing the page views if not for Google.

These content creators have been given false promises by YouTube and now their investments have been rendered useless. They abandoned their careers and their lives have been permanently ruined.

Suppressing page views has not been enough so Youtube has simply deleted or demonetized thousands of channels. Videos that have been on YouTube for years without any problems have suddenly been demonetized. If YouTube had money like earlier, this would not happen.

The new advertiser-friendly and censorship-heavy Youtube is making less money than earlier and even lesser to share with content creators. Youtube is suppressing traffic stats across the site, irrespective of the nature of the content. Everyone is suffering from low page views. This is also a clear deceptive trade practice. They have become trapped by Google. They cannot move their business elsewhere. It is time to break up Google.

A channel with 30 million subscribers struggles to get even 1 million views per video, unless it is about India.

CNN, Maza and pressure groups have ensured that Youtube is not a profitable site for independent content creators. This is good for millennials. While many young kids say that they want to be Youtubers, once they realise how little money they can make off videos and how dramatic algorithmic changes can affect their earnings, better sense will prevail. Young people will find real stable jobs offline. Thanks, Maza. You have unwittingly done something useful in your life.

A liberal left-leaning angel of peace.